Every whiplash is a kiss
by if-llamas-could-fly
Summary: They both want it, no matter how much Lucifer tries to stop it. Dean's just trying to keep his brother alive. A story told via Literal Drabbles.
1. Every whiplash is a kiss

**A/N It's been ****_ages_**** since I updated ****_Falling_****, so I was just trying to start writing a new chapter, and I just ended up writing a season seven Samifer drabble and I'm so not sorry. :) **_~Sammy_

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_**Every whiplash is a kiss**_

It got to the point where Sam had complete faith in the devil. And if that wasn't a sign of his slow descent into madness, then nothing was. Of course, the devil never gave him any reason to _not_ trust him, so it was easier than Sam would like to admit, in the end.

Lucifer tried though, he really did. He spat out hateful words and spite-filled curses. He set fire to the motel rooms and ran stakes through Dean. He decapitated Bobby Singer, he tormented Sam with his every thought.

It didn't work.

The devil's vessel had fallen anyway.

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**A/N Leave a review, maybe? It's not much, but I'd love your feedback! :) **_~Sammy_


	2. And my brother will cry in vain

**A/N This story was ****_supposed_**** to be a oneshot drabble, but then I got a review from ****_TheResurrectionist_**** saying that she wanted me to continue with it, so here I am. I'm just experimenting here, and I'm turning this into a sorta AU season seven, and every chapter will be a single literal drabble, with exactly one hundred words. I hope you guys like it! :) **_~Sammy_

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_**And my brother will cry in vain**_

He _said_ he was handling it. Said he had it under control. He didn't.

He said that nightmare was getting better. It wasn't.

He tripped and he fell and he jumped and his eyes won't open.

And now Dean's holding him up, shouting, yelling, whispering. Begging him to keep breathing.

"Goddamnit Sammy, don't do this. _Come on_.Stay with me Sammy,_ please."_

And maybe Dean's crying, but he doesn't care, because Sam's fallen, and all Hell's breaking loose.

'Please Sammy. It's too soon. Just let me find a way to fix you. _Please_."

Little brothers aren't meant to fall.

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**A/N Okay, I know that this is confusing as all hell, but I swear it'll make sense soon! Leave a review, and let me know what you thought! :) **_~Sammy_


	3. I fear this bleeding darkness

**A/N So, yay! Another chapter. It's surprisingly fun to only write hundred word chapters. It's just so much less stressful than having to maintain a decent length for every chapter. And, yeah, there ****_is_**** a plot here, I swear. It's just gonna take a while to get to the whole point of this story. I hope you like it! :)** _~Sammy_

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_**I fear this bleeding darkness**_

_Little Sammy picked at Death's Wall, Cas gave a push and made it fall._

Snap out of it Sam. Come on. Wakey-wakey.

It's show time!

_Sam_. Wake up. Please.

I'm lonely.

You need to wake up, so I can explain.

You've got it _wrong_, Sammy. I'd _never_ hurt you. I promised not to, remember?

I'm not lying, Sammy. I've never lied to you.

You need to wake up, Sam. I'll leave you alone, I promise.

Just, wake up.

Please.

I need you to be okay.

_And all of Hell's hounds and all Heaven's men, couldn't put Sammy back together again._

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**A/N Leave a review, they inspire me, and make my muse happy. And happy muses mean more updates! :) **_~Sammy_


	4. And this dark, it feels like pain

**A/N So... new chapter! Woot! I swear, this is the last weirdly ambiguous chapter that I'm putting up. From the next chapter, I swear there'll be some major plot development. It's just kinda ****_really_**** hard to move a story forward in hundred word chapters, okay? But I'm doing it anyway, because I love me a good challenge. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

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_**And this dark, it feels like pain**_

It's dark.

_Dark black death hollow fall falling I'm falling into the pit Lucifer Hell ice cold fire light bright Dean._

_Dean._

It's cold. It's blackness and darkness and I can't _see_ and I'm _scared_, Dean, I don't know what's happening. Help me.

I'm falling, Lucifer. I'm _falling_ and I don't think I'm going to ever hit the bottom.

Save me.

_Stone number one_. I got out. I'm out, right Dean?

_Come on, bunk buddy_. I don't know why I'm falling, Lucifer. _Why_?

And now it's bright and there's Light and it's worse than the Darkness.

I'm not falling anymore.

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**A/N So.. didya like it? Let me know in a review, so that I can churn out the next chapter even quicker! :) **_~Sammy_


	5. Every breath is a shadow

**A/N GUYS. I think I just came to a conclusion about myself. I write the most when I've gotta procrastinate! And now that college has started, I'm writing more often! I'm still not sure how I feel about this. Anyway, I promised plot development, and plot development is what you get. Mind you, it's still a drabble, so it's obviously short. I hope you like it! Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

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_**Every breath is a **_**_shadow_**

In.

Out.

Rise.

_Fall_.

Dean's got a hand on his brother's chest, and nothing short of another apocalypse is going to make him move it.

Because Sam is breathing, but barely.

And if keeping his hand on his little brother's chest means that he can feel the tiny flutters, then that's exactly what he's going to do.

Sam's too pale, and his face is drawn, and Dean just wants to kick the devil's ass.

But Sam needs him, so he can't.

In.

Out.

And then there's a silent crack, and that chest rises, stops, stutters, and falls.

Sam's not breathing.

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**A/N Ohhh yes. Cliffhanger. Because I've never done one before, and I felt the need to be evil. Leave a review and let me know what you thought. Reviews fuel the muse-mobile. :) **_~Sammy_


	6. And I need you like air, to scream

**A/N So.. uh remember that cliffhanger I left you at in the last chapter? Yeah... that's not being resolved anytime in this chapter. And I'm so not sorry. I just needed to write this chapter out before really solving anything. So just... uh... deal. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

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**_And I need you like air, to scream_**

_SamSamSamSamSamSamSamSamSamSam._

Wake up. Please.

Breathe.

Breathe Sam, you have to breathe. You have to breathe, because your every breath is my own.

We're connected in more ways than one.

You have to breathe Sam.

Why are you stopping? No, no! Don't stop! _Breathe_! Come on, Sam!

Don't. Please don't stop.

Please.

I want to fix this.

I need to. I can't.

I could, if you were still with me.

I could help you, if you still wore my wings.

One snap of my fingers, and you'd wake up, you'd smile, you'd be _alive_.

You _have_ to breathe.

I need you.

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**A/N Yay to another chapter being strange as all hell! Leave a review and ket me know what you think. Reviews make me less evil, and they resolve cruel cliffhangers. :) **_~Sammy_


	7. There is no path left to follow

**A/N Yeah, yeah, it took me a while to update. My dog was sick. I have college. Real Life is being meaner than usual. More random excuses you don't give two shits about. Blah. What ****_matters_**** is that I'm updating now. I ****_did_**** say that I'd fix that cliffhanger, didn't I? :) **_~Sammy_

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_**There is no path left to follow**_

He hates hospitals.

Hates how they could possibly be _eaten_ by the staff.

Hates the damn beeping of the monitors, the whoosh of the machines.

Hates how damn _clean_ they are.

Too clean.

Too sterile.

White tiles and disinfectants instead of bad television and warm beers.

Barely-there almost-gone little brothers instead of stupid dimples and bitch-faces.

And his hand's wrapped around his not-so-little brother's, and his fingers are brushing against fresh gauze.

"I don't know what's happening in your head, Sammy, but I need you to wake up."

And if his voice shakes, then there's nobody left to hear it.

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**A/N Did I also promise to stop posting random weird chapters? Meh. Whatever. This is what you get from swamped college students. Leave a review and let me know what you thought! :) **_~Sammy_


	8. And you raise me from this dream

**A/N Remember when this thing was actually updated pretty quickly? Ha. Well, that's a thing of the past, because ****_damn_****, college is a pain in my butt. Not to mention the fact that I've taken up Drama as an extracurricular, and it's eating up all my time. My laptop's been feeling neglected. Anyway, I finally managed to do some writing after a weekend of no internet access (Hiking-trips are fun, but I missed the internet). This is the result of my desperation to get out ****_something. _****I hope you guys like it! :) **_~Sammy_

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**_And you raise me from this dream_**

There's warmth, on his chest. It's heavy, and steady, and it's _home_.

And he opens his eyes, and stared at a white ceiling, _not_ water-stained and filled with cracks.

And the hands running down his arms are light, and gentle, and _not_ covered with scars and ancient traces of gun oil.

And the lips on his neck are foreign and familiar and cold and hot and so _right._

But it's wrong.

Because the warmth on his chest is ghostly, and those lips, and those hands, they're supposed to be _gone_.

That voice, so soft, it should be gone.

"Sam?"

"Jess..."

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**A/N Okay, so I promise I'll try to update more often. Drabbles shouldn't take ****_too_**** long to write, right? *Laughs nervously* Anyway, let me now what you thought, reviews make me work faster! :) **_~Sammy_


	9. Every wish is a nightmare

**A/N GUYS. College sucks. I mean, it's awesome and everything, but I have ****_no time._**** Like, at ****_all_****. I swear to the Gods, French and Psych are the only things that are keeping me form spontaneously combusting. Seriously. Anyway. I ****_finally_**** managed to get this out. I'm sorry about where I left you guys last time, and I'm also sorry that it's not really resolved in this chapter either... Okay, so I'm not ****_that_**** sorry. Meh. 100 word chapters. What can you do? :) **_~Sammy_

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_**Every wish is a nightmare**_

_Nononononono._

Not Jess.

Not _Jess_.

_No._

"Sam?"

Jess was gone.

She was _gone_.

He attended her _funeral_. He wept over her empty _grave_. He _saw_ her, as she burnt away to ash. She was his everything, and she was gone.

_She was gone._

"Sam, what's wrong?"

_No_.

Jess is gone, and she's moved on, and she's not here, and he's dreaming, he's got to be dreaming-

"Sam. _Sam_. Hey, look at me."

And he did.

_She'sgoneshe'sgoneshe'sgoneshe'sgone_.

So why is she sitting there, looking as beautiful as the day he first saw her?

Why is she so… _real?_

"I missed you."

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**A/N Uh... whoops? That was... weird, to say the least. Well, let me know what you thought in a review, so I can maybe escape the downward spiral of college and put out another chapter. :) **_~Sammy_


	10. And my hopes shatter to shards

**A/N Ooh! Look! ****_Another_**** delayed update! Ugh. I ****_do_**** have reasons, okay? They're just... really sucky reasons. Most of them consist of me whining about college and how I want my vacation back and how much I miss my old friends. Blergh. Anyway, I updated. And it's a kinda fluffy update and I'm sorry for having like ****_three_**** Sam POVs in a row, but Dean and Lucifer have taken a break from my muse for some reason and I don't even know anymore. Besides, I don't wanna ruin anything with a different POV. I hope you like it. :) **_~Sammy_

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_**And my hopes shatter to shards**_

Her lips are warm against his.

Her eyes were wide with shock, and maybe love and something else, but she was kissing him back, and she was _alive_, and for a moment, he could forget it was a dream.

It _was_ just a dream, right?

"Jess…"

"Hmm?"

"This… this isn't _real_, is it?"

"What? What're you talking about?"

"I mean you and this apartment and this whole… thing."

She laughs and oh God he'd missed her laugh.

"I think the stress is just getting to you, Sam"

"What?"

"Come on, you've _gotta_ remember. Your wedding's kinda important, don't you think?"

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**A/N GUYS. This update's all weirdly fluffy and sorta sappy and I dunno why 'cause my brother left for college for another three months yesterday and my iPod died, and sad shit's going down but for some reason, my muse felt like being all fluffy. So... Uh. Yeah. You like? Let me know in a review. :) **_~Sammy_


	11. Those gilded trumpets blare

**A/N So... I'm just going to stop trying to make excuses for my irregular posting schedule. I'm literally just typing up whatever I can whenever I get five minutes alone with my laptop. It's like I'm cheating on real life with my writing or something. Meh. Whatever. Point is, I'm trying as hard as I can to not lave you guys hanging ****_too_**** long, but it's kinda hard to do that when you're directing, casting and doing backstage productions for ****_four_**** different plays while simultaneously trying to study for tests and attempting to keep my social life from collapsing. ****_I'm tired_****. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this. It's kinda been written while hopped up on mild painkillers, so if it's sucky, blame the pain and the drugs. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

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**_Those gilded trumpets blare_**

"My _what?_"

Jess is laughing, and all I know is that her laugh's beautiful, and my jaw's probably completely unhinged..

"Your _wedding_, Sam. You know, the 'single best thing to ever happen to you in ever'?"

"Uh…"

"Now don't just sit there, idiot! Come _on_. It's not everyday a girl gets to see her best friends get married."

Okay, now my jaw's _definitely_ hit the floor.

"Wait. You mean I'm _not_ marrying _you_?"

"I swear Sam Winchester, you're almost as bad as your brother. Now go get into your damn suit before I steal you away from Lucifer forever."

"_What_?"

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**A/N Did you like it? Did you not like it? Is it evidently something written by a partially loopy sleep-deprived overworked college student? Let me know what you think in a review! :) **_~Sammy_


	12. And you deal this old deck of cards

**A/N Okay... so it's been ****_ages_**** since the last update, but this time, I ****_seriously_**** have a plausible excuse! College is busy as all hell, as per usual, but to top it off, I decided to be overachieving and pile on ****_more_**** extracurriculars. As if working my ass off on all those plays wasn't hard enough. So I submitted a bunch of my regular fiction writing to my English teacher, who freaked, showed it to the head of the English department, who ****_also_**** freaked, and showed it to the head of the Cultural Committee of my college, who decided that he loved me and signed me up for so many things it's not even funny. Anyway, thanks to ****_that_****, I'm practically forced to write out more stuff everyday, so I'm spending my time studying, writing, and trying desperately to keep my friends from abandoning my busy ass. Long story short? ****_I have no time._**

**Still, I managed to get this out after some sneaky laptop time, but I was once again hopped up on painkillers while writing it. You can infer two things from that. One: I'm now apparently incapable of writing this story without being loopy; and two: I'm such a klutz I managed to hurt myself at least once every week for the past month or so...**

**On with the story, I guess? Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

**P.S. A quick shout out to TheResurrectionist who inspires all my ramblings. You're awesome, and don't you forget it.**

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_**And you deal this old deck of cards**_

Somehow, I've landed up here, waiting at an _alter_, in a freaking _chapel_. For my _wedding_.

I don't even remember changing into the tuxedo, let alone the drive here. I'm in a complete daze.

And the chapel doors are opening and _ohgodohgodohgod_ I'm getting married, and I don't even now who I'm getting married to and please let me be dreaming _pleasepleasepleaseplease._

I don't even realize that my eyes are closed and that I'm hyperventilating until there are reassuring words being murmured.

"_Breathe_, Sam."

I open my eyes, just to see _him_ smiling at me.

_Holy fuck I'm marrying Lucifer._

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**A/N I think that this story pretty much ****_thrives_**** on cliffhangers. which is funny,'cause normally I hate writing them. Anyway, let me know what you thought in a review. Reviews inspire more sneaky laptop time and quicker updates! :) **_~Sammy_


	13. Every holy word turns to dust

**A/N know what you guys are thinking, ****_how the hell did Sam manage to get two updates out so fast_****? Truth is, I have ****_no clue_****. I just grabbed my laptop and did some crap. Seriously. I skipped college today 'cause I was just too damn tired to sit through my classes, but I've been doing a lot of crap around the house, and I was prepping and cooking our dinner and I was also simultaneously baking and don't ****_ever_**** try to make ravioli and cupcakes at the same time and expect to have an easy time with that. Because you ****_won't._**** I'm still so damn ****_tired_****. Anyway, at least I'm not all drugged up this time! Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

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**_Every holy word turns to dust_**

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

I seem to have lost every semblance of coherency somewhere along the way, and I _know_ that I'm just standing here like a complete idiot with my mouth hanging open but _Damnit_ I'm marrying Lucifer, I think I have a freaking free pass here.

"_Sonuvabitch_."

"Swearing in a church, Sammy? I thought you knew better."

And _seriously_ if he doesn't stop smirking I'm going to turn around and run away screaming, masculinity can go screw itself.

The minister's clearing his throat. "Shall we begin?"

Oh for the love of all that's holy_, no._

Lucifer nods. "Yep. Let's start now."

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**A/N So... did you like it? Did you not like it? Are you majorly confused? Let me know in a review! Who knows, hey might inspire ****_another_**** really freaking fast update. :) **_~Sammy_


	14. And I speak in tongues only I understand

**A/N Hey guys! I know, it's been ****_ages_**** since the last update, and that's just ****_inexcusable_****, but I had tests, and my brother's come home for the weekend, and I had some bad shit going down, and there is this major ass festival coming up in my house so I was helping out with the preparations, and I've just been so ****_busy_**** I'm occasionally forgetting to breathe. Anyway, here's an update for you all. I know it clarifies ****_nothing_****, but you know that I absolutely ****_love_**** torturing you guys with my vagueness. *laughs evilly* Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

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**_And I speak in tongues only I understand_**

Wait, what? _No_.

_No_, Damnit, I _don't_ want to marry the devil, thank you very much.

So if you'd just let me leave now, that'd be great, thanks.

Except, I can't say any of that. I _can't_.

My mouth's twisted up in a wide smile, and I find myself nodding and _what the actual heck_ is happening?

Lucifer's smiling at me, and the only word I can think of is _sweet_, which is so many levels of _wrong_.

He takes my hand in his, and his skin is cold, so why does it feel so comforting?

_I am so screwed_.

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**A?N Okay, I know it's weird and strange and so damn vague, but hey, at least there's Samifer. That makes up for the rest of it, right? ****_Right?!_**** Anyway, leave a review and let me know what you thought. Reviews inspire quicker updates! :) **_~Sammy_


	15. This heart is painted with rust

**A/N Right. So in the last chapter I gave a bunch of excuses as to why I didn't update, and while that's all very true, there's also the small matter that I was completely ****_uninspired_**** to continue this fic. Heck, I almost decided to put it down as a failure and discontinue it. Then I thought it over, and I figured that that would be unfair to everyone following this fic, so I decided to just try my hand at writing the next chapter drabble and if I wasn't inspired after that, I'd stop writing. It turned out that the block was only temporary, and that it was ridiculously easy to slip back into the story. Anyway, I somehow manged to get a second drabble out immediately after the last one, so I just decided to use this as a hopeful apology for the delay in the updates, and as a way to reassure you that this thing ain't going on permanent hiatus anytime soon. Also, I just wanted an excuse to write more Samifer. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

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_**This heart is painted with rust**_

The minister's words are washing over me, and it all sounds like white noise to my ears.

All I can think of is the small smirk plastered on his face, the glint in his eyes, and the quick reassuring glances.

All I can think of are the cold fingers brushing against mine, and how my heartbeat's quickening with every soft touch.

It takes everything I've got to remember _why_ it's _wrong_. Why I should _stop_ it.

Because right now? Standing here, in this tux, at this altar, next to _Lucifer_?

Everything feels right.

And that scares me more than anything.

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**A/N Whoo! Look at that! Sammy's falling in ****_love_****. What's happening, you ask? Stay tuned, I'll explain soon enough. Anyway, leave a review. They inspire me, and make sure that I don't randomly discontinue my writing projects. :) **_~Sammy_


	16. We built this crumbling castle of sand

**A/N Okay, so this chapter is majorly weird 'cause it's written in some strange style that just works perfectly here. I dunno. My muse does weird shit. Anyway, forgive me for the randomness of this chapter. *cough cough* Lucifer's proposal is hinted at *cough cough* Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

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_**And we built this crumbling castle of sand**_

"If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold his peace."

Don't just stand there and smile, say _something_.

You're marrying Lucifer.

There are so many things wrong with that. He's _Lucifer_. That's just cause enough.

Except, it's not.

_Sam, listen to me_.

His hand fits perfectly in yours.

_We were made for each other, Sam_.

His smile makes your heart flutter.

_Just say yes and we'll be together forever_.

His eyes are full of promises.

_Marry me?_

So, in silence, you'll forever hold your peace.

_Yes_.

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**A/N Okay, show of hands. How many of you are majorly confused? Leave a review and let me know what you thought, they inspire me! :) **_~Sammy_


	17. Every promise is a wish broken

**A/N Whoo! Look at that! ****_Another_**** day with two updates. (This is not a regular thing please don't expect this from me every time now... I can't even brush my cats twice a day... leave me alone.) Anyway, I should probably let all of you know that I don't know ****_anything_**** about Christian weddings from personal experience. All the knowledge I have is either from the internet, various books, or those random RomComs my friends make me watch. So if I've got anything wrong, please don't kill me, I've never written out wedding vows before. Okay, everyone on board with that? Awesome. Enjoy!**

**I'm dedicating this chapter to ****_What You See In The Shadows_**** and ****_TheResurrectionist_****, for always being brilliant inspirations to my muse. :) **_~Sammy_

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_**Every promise is a wish broken**_

"Sam Winchester, will you have this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to live together after God s ordinance in the Holy Estate of Matrimony? Do you swear to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others keep you only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

_Shitshitshitshitshitshit._

I'm _definitely_ hyperventilating now, and Damnit did he really have to be looking dead in my eyes with that damn _smirk_ right now?

His already vice-like grip on my hand tightened, and my breath hitched in my chest.

"I do."

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**A/N Meh. It's weird. Whatever. I'm sleep deprived. I'm not really thinking straight. Sam's (finally) getting married. *happy dance* Seriously though, leave a review and tell me what you thought. Reviews are fodder for my muse. :) **_~Sammy _


	18. And we toss our hearts to the skies

**A/N College has let up the tiniest bit now, but I am so damn sick I feel like I'm five seconds away from just coughing up a lung and giving in to death. (Evidently, I'm not the happiest person when I'm sick.) ****_Anyway._**** New chapter! Whoo! I am seriously sorry to all of you who want me to just hurry up and get to the damn honeymoon already but have patience my young padawans. Firstly, I'm nervous as hell to actually write out those sappy honeymoon scenes in drabble form; and secondly, THEY AREN'T ACTUALLY MARRIED YET SO CALM DOWN. Okay. Now ****_I_**** need to calm down. Anyhow, good things come to those who wait so... wait. :) **_~Sammy_

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_**And we toss our hearts to the skies **_

He hasn't stopped smiling the whole time.

His grip on my hand loosens the tiniest but, but as soon as the numbness in my palms gives way to a painful rush of blood, he pulls my hands up in his own, and I can only watch in silence as a gold band is pushed onto my finger, the metal cool from his ghostly touch.

The plain gold ring slides down my finger until it's nestled right up against another ring, this one silver and engraved with calligraphic letters of what I vaguely recognized as Latin.

_Te amo._

_I love you._

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**A/N Okay, quick head count, how many of you absolutely hate my guts right now? All of you?! What?! But... I've been so nice with you guys... (Okay maybe not ****_that_**** nice, but I'm ****_trying_****.) Well, fret not poppets. Awesome stuff is yet to come. ****_Soon._**** So don't go throwing those molotovs I'm sure you're all armed with at me. I can't write when I'm on fire. Leave a review and let me know what you thought. :) **_~Sammy_


	19. This is a prayer softly spoken

**A/N Hey, look at that, ****_another_**** chapter... in the ****_same day_****. This is become too common an occurrence for my liking. Wouldn't want you all getting spoiled, now would I? Anyway, since we're already here... might as well keep going. Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

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**_This is a prayer softly spoken_**

I don't realize that I've been motionless for so long before Lucifer, gently, squeezes my left hand, the one with the rings.

"Sam," he whispers, his smile a bit crooked now, " it's your turn."

And because my brain is apparently incapable of being coherent right now, I just end up staring at him blankly. "Uh… what?"

Lucifer rolls his eyes, and the action looks strangely familiar. "Jesus, Sam, for all the times to lose your cool…"

My expression doesn't change.

He laughs softly. "The ring's in your front left jacket pocket. Try not to drop it this time okay?"

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**A/N Right so... leave a review, maybe? Who knows, it might just inspire me to put you out of your misery and just get them married already. :) **_~Sammy_


	20. And you drown me in those lies

**A/N So... I'm sorry for the delay**,** I guess. College is trying to kick me in the butt again, but I think I'm putting up a good fight. Anyway, yay! Update! Whoo! ... I don't even know what these updates ****_are_**** anymore. Ugh. I know that this is going slow, but I ****_swear_**** that there ****_is_**** an actual plot. ****_Seriously. _****I'm getting there. Patience, oh mighty readers. Also, I ACTUALLY REACHED TWENTY CHAPTERS WHAT THE WHAT. There are _so_ many people reading this, I literally don't understand why. This story is pretty much just me being unapologetically shippy about my Samifer in a hundred words per chapter. I guess you guys like that... huh. Well, _I'm_ not complaining. Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

* * *

_**And you drown me in those lies**_

My hands feel stiff and I barely manage to reach into my pocket and pull out the ring nestled inside. I almost drop it, and Lucifer tries to smother a laugh and Damnit I'm _blushing_.

_Wait._ Why am I- what am I doing? I can't do this. _I can not do this_.

I will _not_ marry _Lucifer_.

Except, his eyes are soft and full of something I can't comprehend and I don't even now why I'm resisting anymore.

"I love you, Sam."

I slide the ring onto his outstretched hand, even as my own fingers tremble.

"I love you too."

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**A/N Okay. This has crossed the line of fluffy and just crash landed in the kingdom of sappy-as-all-hell. I'm not even sorry. Anyway, let me know what you thought in a review! Reviews=inspiration. :) **_~Sammy_


	21. Every bell-chime is a passing breath

**A/N Woohoo! Relatively quick update! I have ****_so many_**** papers that I'm supposed to be writing right now, but I did research for ****_ages_**** and I got so damn ****_bored,_**** I** **just decided to write a new chapter for this. Anything to get Sam and Lucifer together, eh? Anyway, there's finally some plot development coming soon, so don't give up on me yet. It's just ****_starting_**** to get interesting, believe me. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

**_Every bell-chime is a passing breath_**

"By the power vested in me by the Church, and the state of California, I declare you to be married."

A pause, and _holy shit_ I'm married to the devil.

"You may now kiss your husband."

Wait wait _wait_.

I don't want to do this. I do _not_ want to do this. _Nope_. No. I can't. I _won't_.

Not _him_. Not the fallen-angel who tried to destroy the world while wearing me, and spent all our time in the cage putting his hands on my waist and-

"Mph."

He's _kissing_ me.

"You _think_ too much, Sam."

I kiss him back.

* * *

**A/N They finally got married?! Say ****_what_****?! Yes, my darlings, I finally did it. SAM AND LUCIFER GOT HITCHED. Booyeah! Gods. I've been waiting for this point to come around for ****_ages_****. Anyway, now that I've finally sated those fiery appetites you all seem to have for Sam and Luci weddings, let me know what you thought. You might want to review before I break your sanity with what's coming next... Just sayin'. :) **_~Sammy_


	22. And this chapel has cracks in its walls

**A/N Okay woah. I'm not entirely sure what happened here. I mean, one second, I'm eating ****_way_**** too much chocolate and moping about all the papers I have to write, and the next thing I know, I've churned out ****_this_****. And ****_holy crap_**** this is one ****_hell _****of a weird chapter. Like, I'm actually the tiniest bit embarrassed by how fun it was to write something this ridiculous. Anyway, thanks to the sugar high and my need to procrastinate, I switched this around a bit, decided to get some plot development in. Remember how, back at the start of this thing, there was actual plot, and not just shmoopy dub-con Samifer wedding fluff? Yeah, plot's making a comeback, people! The star of this chapter just so happens to be... Lucifer! Yay! Different POV! Woot! Enjoy. :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

**_And this chapel has cracks in its walls_**

Sam, what's happening? Why are we in a Church?

Sam, what are you-

Sam.

_Sam_.

Sam, _no_.

Don't-

Wait.

Why are you coming closer?

_Sam_.

Your lips are sosoft, and they're _warm_. I haven't felt warmth in so long.

Wait.

_Wait_.

You're kissing me.

Why are you kissing me?

Everybody's clapping and whistling and your mouth is on mine and in the name of Father are we _married_?

Sam, what's happening?

You need to snap out of this. _Now_. You need to wake up.

You have to come back to Dean. You have to come back to _me_.

_Please_.

* * *

**A/N Okay, even by ****_my_**** standards, this was ****_weird_****. Huh. Stress and chocolate are ****_not_**** the best combination for writing drabbles. Meh. Whatever. Let me know what you thought in a review! Plot development is almost here, so stick around, peasants! :) **_~Sammy_


	23. There is a certain glamour in Death

**A/N Okay, GUYS****_. _****I'm so damn busy, I don't think I even have time to pause and take a breath. I have midterms to study for; I have so many papers to research and write that I'm not even ****_close_**** to being done with; I have like, three regular story ideas being written out; I have a screenplay and script I'm trying to get out, even though I've ****_never_**** written one before; ****_and _****I have a bunch of pending fanfics that have to be written out/updated/edited and it's ****_killing_**** me that I don't have time for it all. Not to mention the fact that I'm also trying to keep my social life from collapsing. My friends think I'm abandoning them. And that's just the real life friends I've got. Don't even get me ****_started_**** on how many authors I've managed to stop talking to/ reviewing for on this site itself. Hell, I'm pretty sure they all think I'm dying in a ditch somewhere. (****_LeeMarieJack_**** I'm looking at you here) Anyway, this story is my only reassurance in the hurricane that is currently my life, because the chapters are small and the plot is steady, and the writing is good, and the characters are solid, and damnit I deserve some freaking stability with my writing. Okay, Now. Rant over.**

**This chapter's all about Dean. The next one might be too. You never know. It all depends on my muse. And my crazy sleep-deprived-student mind. College sucks. You all know this. Anyway. On with the story! Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

* * *

_**There is a certain glamour in Death**_

His eyes are bloodshot, and his clothes are rumpled, and the nurses send him sympathetic looks that he _doesn't_ need because _he's_ not the one who's laid up in a bed with no signs of waking up with who knows _what_ kinds of Hell screwing with his brain.

Those sympathetic looks won't fix Sammy.

The bed they rolled in for Dean to sleep on won't fix him.

The seemingly endless supply of coffee they give Dean won't fix him.

The prayers the nurses say they offer won't fix him.

They help, though.

And maybe that's what counts.

_Wake up, Sammy._

* * *

**A/N Okay so... how many hearts are broken? Show of hands? No? No? Wait- why are you curled up in a fetal position? Are you crying?! Oh gosh I'm- Okay, WELL. I'm not ****_sorry_****, but uh... I apologize for the feels? That work? Please don't kill me. Leave a review and let me know what you thought. Words are an effective murder weapon. *ducks and hides* :) **_~Sammy_


	24. And this painted illusion silently falls

**A/N Hey, look at that! Quick update! I'm actually very proud of myself. I manged to study, do research, and work my way through a bunch of pending writing AND film and edit and upload a video! Woot! I was productive today! Of course, I had to skip college so I could do all of that, but... whatever. I did stuff. Anyway, this chapter's a Dean POV again. Which, let me tell you, is all kinds of fun to write. Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

* * *

**_And this painted illusion silently falls_**

Heart monitor- still steadily beeping away.

Nasal cannula- still in place.

IV line- still stuck in his wrist.

Dean- definitely still there.

Why then, was Sam's face scrunched up, his hands curled into fists, his breathing just the slightest bit too fast?

Dean was yelling at every doctor and nurse but they were baffled too.

The answer was dancing around in the back of Dean's mind, but he shoved it down because _Damnit_ he was _not_ thinking about it.

Except- Sammy was hurting.

And Dean just really wants to punch the Devil.

"You're okay Sammy. You're okay. I've got you."

* * *

**A/N Oh gosh. This is just- Gah. I'm pretty sure you all are practically tearing your hair out, wondering where the hell I'm going with this, and I'm just reveling in the suspense I'm drowning you guys in. Still, I'd love to know what you thought. So. Review. :) **_~Sammy_


	25. Every drop is a piece of the sun

**A/N Okay, guys. Woah. These updates are coming pretty darn quick, aren't they? I mean, I'm still surprised by that. I guess that I write the fastest when I have other work to put off. Who knew? Anyway, this chapter's a little bit different, 'cause I got kinda stuck in a rut with the wedding bit, and I didn't like that I wasn't expanding my horizons. So, as per usual, I decided to make life harder for myself, and shoved in a brand spanking new plotline. Because why not? Also, the writing style for this chapter is borrowed from ****_TheResurrectionist's_**** awesomesauce story ****_For Your Applause_****. I may or may not have completely failed at emulating the amazing writing of that story, but still, I owe her a bunch of thanks. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**Every drop is a piece of the sun**_

The first time he met him, at clichéd as it sounds, it was a complete accident.

Brady was drunk off his ass, and Sam had been delegated to making sure his friend didn't get himself killed.

He'd been trying to manhandle Brady away from the bar and back to the dorms when he slammed into a figure that felt as solid as a rock. He looked up, an apology already halfway out of his mouth, when he froze.

Icy blue eyes blinked at him once, slowly, and the man simple turned and walked away.

Sam couldn't stop the rising blush.

* * *

**A/N Yes. I just went there. ****_Backstory bitches! _****How confused are you all? Baffled? Confounded? Befuddled? Other adjectives describing utter lack of comprehension?** **Well. Let me know what you thought in a review, and I might just clear up this whole thing sooner than later. Just sayin'. :) **_~Sammy_


	26. And this is a hunt for a fallen star

**A/N So... uh. I think this might just end up being one of those daily updates kinda stories. 'cause seriously, the lack of feedback is kinda disheartening, but I'm doing this anyway. And I figure that maybe if I have a daily schedule, I'll actually get some plot development in. Who knows? Anyway, enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**And this is a hunt for a fallen star**_

He was jogging around the cemetery when he saw him next.

The man was sitting on the ground, leaning against a headstone. Sam found himself walking towards him, and he stopped right in front of him.

The man looked up, his eyes were cold. Sam tried to smile. "What're you doing here?"

"Sitting."

A pause.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"Jogging."

"In a _cemetery_? Strange location."

"Says the guy sitting on a grave."

The man smiled a bit at that. "Touché."

"… You mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

"I'm Sam."

"I know."

All was silent, after that.

* * *

**A/N So... uh. This was, weird. Like, seriously. But whatever. I like it anyway. Let me know what you thought in a review! Reviews are muse-candy! :) **_~Sammy_


	27. This is our sign- to fly, to run

**A/N So... Daily updates might actually be a thing now. Woohoo! Also, WHAT THE HELL WAS THE SEASON NINE PREMIER LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK I DIED OHMYGOSH. Sorry. Needed to vent. I won't put up any spoilers, so don't worry if you haven't watched it yet. ALL I'M SAYING IS IT'S AMAZING AND HEARTBREAKING AND JUST GO WATCH IT. Now. Okay. Rant over. Promise. We're back to Sam POVs now! Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**This is our sign- to fly, to run**_

"Sam?"

I look up, and we're still at the altar, and he's staring at me, concern written across his face. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

I'm not. I shouldn't be. Right?

I find myself smiling and nodding. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He looks relieved, and I feel like an ass for worrying him. "Good. Good. I just-"

I raise my hand, and his cheek molds perfectly against my palm. "I'm good, I promise. I have _you_ with me, Mr. Winchester."

It feels… _right_, calling him that.

And I'll be damned if that isn't the most beautiful grin I've ever seen on his face.

* * *

**A/N So. I'm pretty darn sure that you all hate me already, and this chapter isn't really helping much but ****_come on_****. Samifer Wedding fluff. I needed it. As for ****_when_****, exactly, that post marital bliss/honeymoon sexcapade is coming... IT AIN'T COMING ANYTIME SOON. So just hold on to your damn socks and ****_wait_****. We're getting there, I promise. Just, I need to get some plot in, okay? If you're not okay with that, well then, I guess you'll just have to deal. And the rest of you, hows about you drop a line or two in a review? I love feedback, and it makes me churn out better stuff so... review. :)** _~Sammy_


	28. And we'll watch the sun set from afar

**A/N Yay. Updates. Fun. Whoo. So much enthusiasm. Damn, I'm too TIRED to even TRY and be excited. It's like college and fatigue decided to get their funk on and gift me the hellspawn that is their offspring. Oh joy. Anyway, this chapter's dedicated to ****_Altamiya_**** for being a sweetheart and leaving awesome reviews, and also for reminding me why I love learning languages. You're awesome, hon. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**And we'll watch the sun set from afar**_

"Sam?"

That voice is familiar, it's _family_, and I turn around a smile already in place on my lips. "Hey-"

And I'm frozen now, because the smiling man in front of me _is_ my brother but it's not-

_Wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong._

He's got blonde hair and an easy smile and a proud glint in his eyes but he's not _him_ and he's not _him_ so why is he here?

He turns to Lucifer, and his smile warms. "Hey Luke."

Lucifer puts his arms around my waist, the touch reassuring. "Hello, Adam."

I still can't breathe though. "Where's Dean?"

Adam's smile drops away.

* * *

**A/N So... this happened. I'm torn between apologizing and laughing manically. Maybe I can do both? *Puppy-dog eyes while cackling evilly* Huh. Well. ANYWAY. Let me know what you thought in a review! Your feedback makes my day! :) **_~Sammy_


	29. Every betrayal is a cut of a knife

**A/N Alright, so, you guys have ****_got_**** to know hat there's angst coming up. Like, the last chapter should've been enough of a hint for you guys. Seriously. I'll warn you again anyway. ****_There is angst._**** Oh, and cliffhangers, but you guys love that stuff, right? :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**Every betrayal is a cut of a knife**_

"Adam," I say slowly, because I do _not_ like the expression on his face, it's too neutral, too _composed_, and I _know_ that something's wrong, "Where's Dean?"

And _Damnit_ he's got a freaking poker face on, but I can _see_ the fear in his eyes and I just want my brother so where the hell is he?

"Adam-" I start saying, but Lucifer drags me away from him, and I can see the relief in his eyes.

"We've got to cut the cake, Sam. Come on."

"No." I pull us to a stop. "Tell me where Dean is."

"He's gone."

* * *

**A/N And the plot thickens... I'm like, ninety nine percent sure that you're all confused as hell, and I'm totally sure that I'm enjoying this way too much. Don't worry though, I'll explain soon enough. As for all of you dying from feels, I ****_did_**** warn you of angst. Let me know what you thought in a review, it'll make my day. :) **_~Sammy_


	30. And you haunt these wicked nightmares

**A/N Hey guys! I'm all kinds of happy today, 'cause I got to exploring in all these antique stores, and I manged to convince my parents to buy a bunch of cool stuff. (I hope there aren't any vengeful spirits attached to any of these things...) Anyway, I also managed to make actual progress in my paper writing crap, so I was mildly productive today. Good enough reason to be happy, yes? Anyhoo, here's the next chapter. Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

* * *

**_And you haunt these wicked nightmares_**

_Nononononononono. No._

Dean's-

He can't be _gone_. Not _Dean_.

Not (_bigbrother protector home_) Dean.

My grip is tight around the lapels of Lucifer's suit-jacket. "What do you mean he's _gone_?"

"Sam-"

"No. Just, no. He can't be gone. Not Dean. So tell me, _where is he_?"

Lucifer looks like he'd rather be anywhere else, but his hands are sure when they wrap around my own. His eyes are sad, and I want to back away, want to move, want to be with _Dean_, but Lucifer's shaking his head at me, and I'm frozen in place.

"_No_."

"I'm so sorry, Sammy."

* * *

**A/N Before you guys say anything, I ****_am_**** aware that this chapter did ****_nothing_**** to clear up the confusion here, but I ****_swear_****, it was essential for the next couple of chapters. So, just, trust me here. I (kinda sorta not really) know what I'm doing. Leave a review, and let me know what you thought! Your feedback affects the story so... REVIEW! :) **_~Sammy_


	31. This is an old faded breath of life

**A/N Hey guys! New chapter and stuff! Woot! This chapter's got some plot resolution, just, not in the way I know you'd want. Because I'm cruel that way. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**This is an old faded breath of life**_

Dean had been dozing, hanging somewhere between awareness and unconsciousness.

He was slumped down in his uncomfortable plastic chair, contemplating actually taking a proper nap for once, when a sudden whisper of moving air had him sitting at attention.

"Sammy?"

He'd expected to see Sam shifting a bit on the bed, maybe moving an arm, or a leg; and if he'd been feeling optimistic, he'd have hoped to see his brother's eyes open.

What he _wasn't_, expecting, however, was to see his brother sitting up, ramrod straight, his eyes wide and watery in terror, shaking his head, almost in denial.

* * *

**A/N Woah. Look at that. MORE confusion. But hey, at least Sam's awake now. Or is he? *malicious laughter* Anyway, let me know what you thought in a review, reviews inspire my muse. :) **_~Sammy_


	32. And I'll pick truths over dares

**A/N Alright. This is supposed to have a daily update. Right? Right. Well. The fact remains that occasionally, real life takes over and pulls some random crap and so daily updates may not always be possible but I sure as hell am gonna ****_try_****. That being said, I was kinda disappointed that my last chapter got literally ****_no_**** reviews. That disappointment may have been a reason for not updating yesterday. Well ****_that_****, and a major kickass headache and a complete mental block with my writing. Whoops. Anyway, I'm updating ****_now_****. Enjoy! :)** _~Sammy_

* * *

_**And I'll pick truths over dares**_

The heart monitor was beeping like crazy, and there were all sorts of alarms blaring away, but Dean didn't care about that crap, because Sam was _awake_.

Well, awake, and about three seconds away from sobbing, apparently.

"Sam?"

Nothing.

"Sammy?"

There it was, almost too soft to be heard, but then, Dean always made exceptions for his brother. "_No_."

And that one word was so _broken_, Dean didn't even want to _know_ what could possibly be that painful.

"Sam?"

"Dean…"

Dean was staring at those too familiar _unseeing_ eyes when he understood.

Sam wasn't broken.

"Where's Dean?"

He was shattered.

* * *

**A/N Alright then! More plot twist! More confusion! More reasons for me to blackmail you into reviewing! Ahaha. Just kidding. (No, but seriously, I ****_could_**** do that) Anyhoo! I know you're all completely baffled, because I sure as hell am, and ****_I'm_**** the one ****_writing_**** this thing. Let me know what you thought in a review, they inspire me, and help me kick real life in the rear end! :) **_~Sammy_


	33. Every snap is a tree in the forest

**A/N So... I'm ridiculously happy today, which, of course, translates into extra angst in my stories. Apparently, being in a good mood makes my muse go a bit crazy with story-arcs. Whoops. Anyway, enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**Every snap is a cracked tree in the forest**_

It was supposed to be _better_, when he opened his eyes.

He was supposed to _wake up_.

That was what Dean had been begging- _praying-_ for.

Sammy was supposed to wake up, and he was supposed to laugh and bitch at Dean for being so worried, and _Damnit_ he was supposed to be _here_.

Present.

Next to Dean.

_Sam_.

Not a husk of a man, curled up in the bed, his eyes wide and frantic, seeing things that were _not_ real, but somehow, they _were_.

Dean slipped his hand into his brother's.

(_"Where's Dean?"_)

"C'mon Sammy. Snap out of this."

* * *

**A/N So... that happened. Totally not angsty, right? *ducks and hides* Alright, alright. This chapter was a pain,a nd it was supposed to be placed later, but I decided that it made more sense here so... yeah. Anyhoo, let me know what you thought in a review! Reviews inspire the muse. :) **_~Sammy_


	34. And this hellfire dances on the canopy

**A/N Woah. Daily updates ****_and_**** a double update?! Say what?! Yeah, I just kinda go hit over the head with this, and I couldn't wait until tomorrow to update so... yeah. Here you go. If it seems a bit too insane, blame season nine. I mean, the ****_hell_**** was up this last episode, guys?! It was freaking ****_crazy_****. Anyway, on with the story. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**And this hellfire dances on the canopy**_

"_Where is he?!_"

I know I'm yelling, I can feel everyone's eyes on me, but I can't bring myself to care. Because Dean's-

_No_.

"Where _is_ he?" My voice breaks a bit, and I know I sound pathetic.

Lucifer's still shaking his head though, and he looks sad. "He's gone Sammy."

_"Nononononono_ he can't be, he _can't_."

"Come on Sam, you know this. He's gone. He's been gone for years."

I don't want to believe him, I _can't_, but I know that the tears in is eyes are real, and that scares me.

_No_.

"Just try to remember. _Please_."

_Crash._

* * *

**A/N Cliffhanger? What cliffhanger? There are no cliffhangers here. Whatever are you trying to say? I ****_always_**** conclude my chapters well, and I ****_never_**** leave you sitting on the edge. *cough cough* I give up. There's a cliffhanger. I'm not sorry (when am I ever?). This chapter was written by a raving lunatic. Let me know what you thought in a review. Reviews make puppies crap rainbows and sprinkles and they also feed my pet unicorns... Okay, no. They don't. But they ****_do_**** make me ****_very_**** happy so... ****_Review!_**** :)** _~Sammy_


	35. This is a forever kind of rest

**A/N Alrighty then! Cliffhanger resolution! I won't bore you with a long author's note. Just, note that this chapter is ****_insane_****, and well, enjoy. :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**This is a forever kind of rest**_

It was cold.

_Too_ cold.

And then, suddenly, it was warm.

"Dean?" I said, because I was scared and confused and I just wanted _Dean_ and-

"Sammy… you okay?"

"Yeah," I said, because I _was_ okay, "Dean, what's-"

"'m Sorry, Sam. 'm sorry."

"What're you talking about Dean, where-"

_Crash_.

_Screeching tires and flashing lights- too bright- flashing lights meant safety._

"Sir? My name's-"

"Get- get Sammy out first. He's hurt."

"Sir, you're bleeding, I need to get you out so-"

"_Get Sammy out_. _Now_."

And then there were hands pulling me out of that _coldhot_ place, away from Dean.

* * *

**A/N I ****_did_**** say this chapter was crazy. I don't even now what I'm doing anymore. I mean, this is an AU within canon, and then an AU within ****_that_**** AU, and then there's the pre-AU flashbacks, and the multiple plotlines all overlapping, ****_and_**** there's all the different points of views and voice and tense changes. Jesus. Seriously. I'm impressed with you guys for sticking through this for so long and not losing your minds. I don't even ****_know _****how you're keeping up with all this crap, but I'm impressed. Anyway, let me know what you thought in a review, you brilliant little things. Your insights are keeping this thing going. :) **_~Sammy_


	36. And this jungle has it's thorns in me

**A/N Hey guys! I'm sorry for the sudden slump in updates. It's just... I didn't get ****_any_**** reviews until yesterday for the last chapter, and I was kinda uninspired to continue this. The plot suddenly felt ****_too_**** complicated and elaborate and downright unbelievable, I just couldn't believe that anyone would actually want this to be continued, and I started doubting myself so much that I considered just scrapping this whole thing and calling it a failure. Thankfully, I got two awesome reviews before I actually did that so, for now at least, this story is still on. Anyhoo. I have midterms starting on Wednesday, and I need to study so I don't flunk out of my first year of college. The updates may not be daily for the time being, but I'll try to get them out as often as I can. Anyway. On to the story. Enjoy! :) ** _~Sammy_

* * *

_**And this jungle has it's thorns in me**_

"_Sam_."

"I need to see him."

"Sam-"

"_Now_."

"I know, I know. We'll go see him."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Now?"

"No."

"But-"

"Not _now_, but we _will_, I swear. Let's just get through this reception, okay?"

"I don't-"

"I know. Me neither. We've gotta do it anyway."

"I just- I can't _talk_ to anyone, I can't I _can't_-"

"It's okay, it's okay. You don't have to. I'll do all the talking, alright?"

"He always said he wanted to be here, for our wedding."

"Really?"

"Yeah, said he always wanted to be my best man."

"Sammy…"

"I miss him."

"I know."

* * *

**A/N Woah. This chapter is... something. I don't even know, guys. It's just full dialogue 'cause I was ****_not_**** in the mood to write any physical interaction stuff, and this seemed like a more effective way of handling this part of the story. Anyway. Let me know what you thought in a review, they inspire me and ensure I don't randomly disappear on you guys again. :) **_~Sammy_


	37. Every rise and fall is a siren call

**A/N Okay, woah. I ACTUALLY HAD TIME TO WRITE! PRAISE THE POWERS THAT BE! Alright, but seriously, midterms are on, and by all means, I should be studying for my next paper. Of course, I decided that updating was more important than memorizing Logic rules so... yeah. Whoops. Anyway, you guys remember that phase I had a couple of months back where every other update was under the influence of painkillers? Yeah, that's back. I fell down a flight of stairs yesterday, and now I'm bruised and sore all over, and I can't even take the ****_good_**** drugs 'cause I can't afford to be sleepy during exams and I just- ugh. So much pain. Anyhoo. This chapter's weird as heck. Blame it on shitty painkillers. Enjoy. :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

_**Every rise and fall is a siren call**_

I'm not entirely sure where the past couple of hours of my memory went.

Lucifer said I must've blacked out. I've never been so grateful for something in my life, because I know for sure that they must have been a painful couple of hours.

Of course, _nothing_ is as painful as being _here_, in front of _him;_ wondering just when the hell I thought it was okay to be happy with my life, because really, didn't I already know how much offence Fate took in my contentment?

Lucifer squeezed my hand.

I simply watched the heart monitor beep away.

* * *

**A/N So yeah. There's that. Confused again? I hope so. ;) Anyway, leave me a review, they mean more to me than you know, and just ****_knowing_**** that there are people out there who enjoy this story makes me feel so much better about updating regularly and clogging people's inboxes. You guys are awesome. :) **_~Sammy_


	38. And I built a tower on their island

**A/N Alright! Quick update! Woohoo! Ugh. GUYS. Today is ****_fabulous_****. My paper today was ****_awesome_****, I got a new camera as a present from my parents, ****_and_**** I made a serious dent in my writing. ****_It's a good time to be alive!_**** Okay but seriously, I'm in a really good mood; even ****_with_**** my aching body and totally screwed up arm. Falling down stairs is ****_not_**** fun. Anyhoo. Back to the chapter. It's weird. You probably already knew that. Enjoy! :) **_~Sammy_

* * *

**_And I built a tower on their island_**

Sam didn't react. Not to _anything_.

Seriously.

Dean had tried it all.

Talking.

Singing.

Hand-holding.

Yelling.

Ordering.

Begging.

Praying.

Hell, even chick-flick moments had been attempted.

Nothing.

Just that same strange vacant stare that scared Dean more than he cared to admit.

So, obviously, he was a bit taken aback when Sam started _crying_.

Really. Flat out _sobbing_. Hysterical heaving and all.

"Sammy?"

A choked sound that sounded suspiciously like "Dean."

"You're okay Sam, you're okay, c'mon."

"_Dean_. _Please_."

"Yeah, it's me Sammy, come on, I'm right here-"

"_Please_. I _need_ you to wake up."

"Sammy?"

"Just, _wake up_."

* * *

**A/N What can I say? Even when I'm in a good mood I manage to put up angst. I've got ****_talent_****. ;) Anyway. Let me know what you thought in a review. You guys are a constant inspiration. :) **_~Sammy_


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